Using mother's name as a weapon

Across the world, people think that a mother is one person who has a magic wand which she can wave around and the child will do as told. Well, let me tell you a secret here, we mothers are no magical creatures, we are pretty much the same as anyone else in this world.

But do you know how people get this idea that a mother has this wand? It is said that the mother is the only person the child listens to, well, that is an incorrect statement, but the world assumes.

Let's go with that assumption for now, when people think that the child only listens to the mother, they are putting themselves out of the position of being bad in the books of the child and putting the mom in that book. Anything happens and the statement of "I will tell/call mom" is thrown at the child.

Does anyone stop to think that the mother also would be tired of playing that bad cop role sometimes, she would also want a break from people using her name as a weapon all the time?

A recent incident got me to writing on this topic, actually, and a text sent to my best friend got me typing this blog. I was venting my frustration, and this is what I wrote:

"Everyone in the house wants to spoil him but no one wants to scold him, if he doesn't listen they call for my name, if he misbehaves I am called, if he does something he is not supposed to everyone tells him, 'mamma ne bolavu'. Every time my name is used, directly or indirectly. When I scold him for what has happened, they coddle him. Then what's the point of telling me to scold him, when eventually you want to be in his good books and push me in his bad books? Why don't these people understand that I also don't like being the bad cop, I also need a break. I also want to be in his good books. They want to use a mother's name to correct him, but then when told, they just protect him. WHY!! Don't come to me saying he has done this and he has done that. I am not going to listen to any complaints now. If you can manage him well and good, if you can't let him be. But if they use my name now, I am not going to respond to it. I am not scolding my child just because these people want me to - be it my in-laws, parents or be it the house helps or my own husband. I am really tired of my name being used as a weapon."

If you have a supportive family, make them understand that you are not alright with this. Try and find a way in between and make it work if possible. They also have to understand that the child can't be afraid of the mother but because her name is used in such a way, she has become a monster in the child's eyes, someone he/she is too afraid or scared of.

Which mother in the world would want her child being scared of her? I am not just blaming people who use her name, sometimes the mother loses her temper as well. When you lose your temper or raise your voice, the child starts getting scared and withdraws. The mother is also to be blamed for this as much as anyone who takes her name.

What I have learned from this is that:

1. No matter what the mother says, people are still going to call for her name and use it as a weapon.

2. She is going to be blamed for any bad behavior of the child (as always).

3. Losing your temper is not going to help, but venting like I did might just calm you down.

4. The child is going to love the mother no matter happens (you can’t take this for granted)

5. Try understanding the child’s perspective once you have calmed down because he or she might be telling you something you are not listening.